Only if you listen/Our last drive.

I’ve been working on breaking the habit of ‘pedestalising’ people. The truth is that I don’t mind feeling a bit, shy or uncomfortable. I’m fully fine with it. It happens to everyone. I’ve found that the more I have let myself be certain ways, the more I feel liberated to listen to someone. And oh-my-god people express their insecurities in different ways. I had one of them indirectly ask me for my validation! I didn’t do it though. He didn’t need my validation. I would put it like this:

People will be people; only if you listen.

I have a problem with travelling. I’m always thinking of the worst thing that might happen to me. But over the recent month I’ve developed an exercise which I perform almost daily if not so. When my mortality is the most obvious thing in a certain situation, I usually become present and I enjoy life the way it. Today dad told me we’ll be going somewhere before I go to university. I can’t refuse because I’m into it. It could be the last time I’m doing it. I don’t take it in a panicky way but with appreciation to life. Whenever my mind is sober, I’m not really scared of dying (the moment will come anyway). We are scared of dying because we carry around a past and hopes for the future. Total acceptance frees the mind.

The exceptions I’ve given myself when viewing certain social media posts and when sharing my own.

There’s a point last year when I viewed a friend’s status on WhatsApp. In this status, he was having a meal with his friends and they all seemed happy. I got envious. I thought, “wow, this guy sure is happy. He’s just graduated school and has all these nice-looking people around him and I’m home doing nothing.” I knew that these thoughts were unhelpful, but I didn’t know why.

Much harm is done by a single case of indulgence or greed;
the familiar friend, if he be luxurious, weakens and softens us imperceptibly; the neighbour, if he be rich, rouses our covetousness; the companion, if he be slanderous, rubs of some of his rust upon us, even though we be spotless and sincere. What then do you think the effect will be on character, when the world at large assaults it!

…

Associate with those who will make a better man of you.

Tao of Seneca, 7th letter to Lucilius.

I started to notice my own tendencies to want to share my so-called good moments on social media, and sometimes I would. But I couldn’t help feeling that something was wrong with the way I was doing these things. I would post quotes on my status just because I got a lot of dopamine from reading it, but it wasn’t because I wanted it to help someone.

Seeing other people’s social media posts gave me pressure to be like them. To post whatever was trending at the time. And sometimes I would ask myself: maybe if I was a bit more talkative, I would have friends like this guy or girl. The truth is, a person on social media can pop up and say all the sound things about how to live a good life, but that’s not what I would be thinking about. I would be looking at his watch and his new spotless shoes and I would be thinking, “if I had those things then I would be like him.” Or “He’s saying all those wise things because he owns a Gucci belt. And so I must have it.” And so something that seems sound becomes an excuse for indulgence. It takes great self-awareness to notice such intrusions of thought.

A few days ago I was scrolling through Facebook and I saw dozens of posts about people’s kids and relatives passing their exams. I thought about the kids with whom their results weren’t as good, and I thought about what kind of—”man, I must really suck”—thoughts that would have been flashing through their heads. Something as innocent as sharing your joy with your child has been turned into a window for hate and envy because of social media. Because not only do you share stuff with your closest friends on social media, but with also people with whom you have no acquaintance with. So a person on the other side of the equator can be affected by what you say.

I’m not saying don’t share good news or anything of that kind that you want to share. I’m saying why do you have to share it with people who should have no concern with you. Why do you have to share an intimate moment with some in the first place? Is it because others are doing it? And you want to show them how happy-handsome-beautiful-smart you are, right? Why do you want them to see? What’s wrong with sharing with five of your friends and your family members? This is just where I wonder because I don’t want to follow blindly.

So what should one share, then?

I asked myself this question even before I saw it wrong to contribute to someone’s misery even through innocent means. Well, first of all you must be trying to do good to the world, but be weary of pretentious posts you make just to feel good, for I do this myself sometimes. Those little quotes you put up on your status, could be synonymous with a preacher putting up a post in his neighborhood saying “Stop Stealing!!!” But a thief will read that and not give a damn. If you really want to help a thief why not talk to him? But of course you won’t talk to him, will you? That is the kind of pretence you have to be weary about. The second thing is that don’t take a camel to the well if it hasn’t asked for water. It will save you your mental space and you’ll be able to do something meaningful with the time you would have wasted doing so.

So as you can see, I’m not trying to change you but I’m merely pointing at few things I have come to realize. The fact that these words would change someone is a matter of grace and fate. Fate chooses for us. However, I believe that you can improve the quality of your life by avoiding such bad things. Focus on your own mind. Winnow your mind. And if you feel like sharing something, see to it that it contributes to the good of others. Whether it be a documentation of what you’re working on, or whatever it is you’re doing—let it add positive value to a person. There’s enough trouble coming in from various things in someone’s life(yours, too). Why should you add to someone’s(and yours) misery?

Be aware that I’m not saying that sometimes your words or actions won’t anger others. But I’m saying that your motivations should be checked, always.

You need to avoid certain things in your train of thought:
everything random, everything irrelevant. And certainly everything self-important or malicious. You need to get used to winnowing your thoughts, so that if someone says, “What are you thinking about?” you can respond at once (and truthfully) that you are thinking this or thinking that. And it would be obvious at once from your answer that your thoughts were straightforward and considerate ones—the thoughts of an unselfish person, one unconcerned with pleasure and with sensual indulgence generally, with squabbling, with slander and envy, or anything else you’d be ashamed to be caught thinking.

Meditations, Marcus Aurelius.