Why you go out partying late at night.

You don’t want to do it. You want to stay indoors and work on a project, but your friends (especially the more successful ones) are going out for a party. So you think to yourself “why not?”

You said because you didn’t want to drink too much and smoke anymore. Because it takes too much time to get back at where you where before you crashed.

But you do it anyway. You party. Because even the smart guys around do. Everyone is telling you to party.

You could run away from all the drama, but the cost of doing so is higher. The benefits unclear. So you keep parting even when you hate doing it. You are caught up in a loop, always thinking the same thoughts every timeme. But until you break the loop you’re always going to do it.

The truth is you know how to break the loop. But you probably won’t do it…because it’s not easy.

Better things to do

The truth is that though I get a lot done, I still find myself slacking off…and deservedly so. I’m obsessive when it comes to problem solving to the point I get really tired after learning code, or drawing, or writing. I find it hard to repeat the same feats the next day. And so I turn to my phone; rightly so. I do a lot, and I feel it’s not enough. I could go seven or eight hours doing work and still feel like I haven’t done much and loathe myself for turning to my phone when I’m done working. I hate being on the phone but, I’ve discovered, I have nothing better to do than being on the phone. I don’t spend as much time as other people online (it can be two hours in a week, if I’m really into working), but still, I want to do other things. I had found this so frustrating until it all came to me.

I’ll continue using my phone. No matter how many times I delete social media, or tell myself to work a little harder next time—all this because I’m afraid of going out and meeting people. I’ve finally admitted that I’d rather be on the phone than go out and get me a girlfriend or something. I’ve ended up hurting people because I don’t want my ego to be broken. Well, my new schedule is now here to turn my world upside down.

I recent learned that I’m not a kind of person who can work on projects in little bits, let’s say an hour of each day. A term to describe it is a marathon. I’ve tried to work in marathons, but I’ve found that I work best in highly intense sprints and rests at the end. I can work a combined fifteen hours in three days as opposed to maybe two hours a day for seven days. I have no trouble getting things done, only resting and what to do when resting. And I want to try out new things, that’s all. Instead of being on the phone while I’m waiting to get back to working, I want to go out and hang out with other people. I have enough time for myself.