The illusion of personal progress

Many of ourselves would like to tell ourselves that we’ve walked the distance, in life, in work, in relationships, in whatever. We often are very oblivious to the fact that progress (or regress) is an occurance in itself. That is, everything moves on it’s own accord, but we want to latch onto the experience because we want to survive. We are afraid of falling, and so we hold onto our stories about ourselves, however pitiful and sorry they are. We want to call ourselves self-made, and when things are not going our way, we fall into despair, we say that things are unfair and all; we say we are not hungry enough for success and all that whatnot.

Consider a man that lives purposelessly and without a care in the world. He does everything he can do for the moment, and worries not about what he’ll do next, because he understand that he will have to do it anyway. And so what’s the rush if the inevitable is coming?

The world is spinning, and it would be foolish to think we are making it spin. But the case is also the same for us.

I don’t know, ever.

I’m in a bad place, mentally. I don’t know what to do about it. I’ve tried to seek help from different things, but I just don’t know. I thought that many things would fix my problems—problems I have but can’t point out. Now I’m here writing this dumb post.

I was asking myself “what the fuck I’m I doing? Seriously, what the fuck?” I’m on the verge of giving up, but somehow I’m not doing that. I’m tired. I’ve been miserable for my whole life. And I’m starting to believe that I’m a loser.

I’m just tired sjsofjfoendjdjfifhsgsu