3 things I learned being an idiot.

I had basically seen myself as a grim and serious intellectual, and then one day I decided to let this self-image go, and do whatever I really had felt like doing all this time. Here are the three things I learned being an idiot for a day:

Lesson one:

I’m an idiot. No doubt about that.

Lesson two:

Life is not ”a game”, instead life is a series of games.

I had been an idiot for a day, and I took a step back and watched the myriad of people walking all around me. Fragments of conversations flooded my ears. I observed some people with lifestyles I had previously thought of as undesirable.

And then something profound happened:

I lost that self-centeredness I had been carrying all along. I began to see that people were playing all sorts of games in there lives, and I realized that it was totally up to them (at least in principle) to decide whatever games they wanted to play.

I walked down a street of low-income people selling tomatoes and vegetables and all kinds of stuff. And then I noticed how all these people interacted with each other. They were playing their own games, too!

And then I realized how inevitable it was; everyone plays games. I got it, finally. I understood that I had chosen to distance myself from people, and that that had been my game before all along. And then I decided to get myself close to people, and to pay attention to them.

Lesson three (and probably the biggest lesson):

Life is not as serious as you think it is.

Because looking at all these people around me with different lives and games made me realize that there has been no reason at all to hold onto a failed game. There are literally many games you could play, and yet you decide to take one game so serious that you ignore so much of what you can enjoy.

Later that evening, I sat next to two friends of mine who were hanging out and, for once, I paid attention to the fact that they were inviting me to play games with them at that moment. One of them said something funny out of the blues and we laughed together. I was paying attention to their every word this time, instead of thinking about how I was looking like to them. Sometimes I would fail the game (I would realize that I had fallen back into my own head again) and I would bring myself to date with everybody. Or sometimes a friend would say something to bring me in the conversation, and I would try to be in it. If I didn’t have anything to say, I would ask for more information and be deeply interested in them.

But when I was back alone again, my mind started ringing.

The Aftermath

Hours later I found myself thinking of the little things I did or said that I didn’t like. After I caught myself thinking these thoughts I reminded myself:

“How much of this game do you want to take seriously?”

And then I went to play another game, instead.